Alex's Story...
Spina Bifida
Our Adoption Journey
A boy is
Truth with dirt on its face,
Beauty with a cut on its finger,
Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair
and the hope of the future with a frog in its pocket.
My husband and I always knew we wanted to adopt internationally someday. One day we looked at the benefits for my husband’s new job and realized they offered a very good adoption grant. We were on our way. We started out applying for a little girl, under two. By the time we finished our dossier, however, we realized we wanted to do the waiting child program, and the majority were boys. My husband is Chinese, and as we looked at the photos, they really tugged on my heart. This one looked like my husband, that one like my brother-in-law, another like my older son. But I had promised my 5 year old daughter a little sister and I didn’t relish breaking a promise. She often looked at the waiting child photos with me. She learned a few hard facts of life looking at those photos with me. Not everyone has a family. Not everyone will get a second chance for one either. One day she said, “Mommy it doesn’t matter, if it’s a brother. Just help one of them.” So it was a sister’s love that brought our youngest son home.
If you want to go the special needs route, you need to be a little tough. We applied for the adoption of one girl, but another agency matched her file first. We looked at another boy’s file, but he turned out to be very sick. We had to say no, and that was even harder. Both of these circumstances are common. You may be sad for a few days, but then you have to get back to your search. Another thing you need to be tough about is other’s opinions. The decision must lie with you. Thirdly, you need to also be tough because you are likely going to be taking your child to hospitals and doctors for procedures or testing. You need to be able to handle seeing a little one in those situations.
One day, Stephanie told me about a little boy with spina-bifida, one I would not have considered except that his condition was very similar to a girl I cared for while working in child care. She e-mailed me the file. There was our little “Cheng-cheng”-Alex, a bright-eyed 2 ½ year old with an impish grin. My husband said “He looks like he belongs in our family.” His medical need was a cyst on his back (a form of spina-bifida). We were on our way to the zoo in New Orleans when we decided to adopt him. I remember the emotional scene in some fried chicken shack. Dora leaped up into my arms- I have never seen such a joyful look on her face. For his part, Zach solemnly told us that he was going to share his favorite cars with his little brother. We named him Alexander Fang-Cheng Song-Wei Lee. Then came the hard part- it would be five months until we would be allowed to receive him.
During the wait, we found out that his file was not very up to date. He had recently had surgery in China. We wondered: could he still walk? Was the surgery a success? Funny thing happened though, after a few months of waiting, what was important to me changed a lot. I didn’t care if he was dragging himself across the floor, I just wanted to bring my son home.
Finally, the time came to meet our son. My husband stayed home with Dora and Zach, with his mom coming from Malaysia to help out. I and my older sister Christie made the loooong flight to China. I remember looking at the vast ocean and and snowy mountains for hours and writing a note to my son. “Soon I will see you, my sweet new son…I hope you have felt our prayers…I can’t wait to get to know you…”
Then another flight the next day to the capital of Alex’s province. The next day was September 1st, Labor Day Jand as we headed for the civil affairs office, Alex was finishing a 4 hour train ride from his home city, accompanied by the orphanage director and the social worker. He walked into the office and he looked so little. He just stared at me as I talked to him in my very limited Mandarin and gave him two cars my older son had picked out for him. He was so cuddly- but his blank stare made me worry-had the circumstances of his life taken it’s toll? What a relief when he opened up and began to play with his mom and aunt. By the time they got back to the hotel he was smiling. He had his moments of anger, grief and food issues in the coming days, but all in all made a remarkable transition. It was clear that he had been given lots of love and attention in his foster home and at the orphanage.
We visited the orphanage and had the opportunity to meet the kind staff and some of the other precious children. The surrounding area was very poor, but there are many charity groups working in the province. One of these charities is Love Without Boundaries. They help children get surgeries, nutrition, foster homes, and education. Soon after we came home, they began a foster care program at Alex’s orphanage, and I am now the coordinator- what a privilege to keep in touch with the very place that has a piece of my heart.
Cheng-cheng is the sweetest child. He loves to give us hugs and kisses and sings along to “Jesus Loves Me” when I rock him. In fact he sings all the time-and some of them in Chinese! He loves wrestling, cars, balls and all things boy. If you want to make his day, just give him a “balooma” (balloon). He always wants to know where each member of the family is, especially his brother and sister. He has a naughty streak like all toddlers, of course. His health is very good now. He has a different gait when he walks or runs because some nerves didn’t develop, and a bit of weakness in one leg. It is possible he may need additional spinal surgery in the future, but it is not a terribly dangerous procedure and some children with his condition will not require it. This little guy amazes us. He has endured changing homes, surgery, sickness, poverty and more, but his joyful spirit and ability to love is intact. Somehow I hope he knows this is his forever home. We are so blessed to have him. The arduous process was even a blessing, because we got to see how God orchestrated every detail beautifully (the money, meeting certain people and the timing) so that we would come together.
Pam Lee
